


Love Hurts

by DownOnThePharm



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 04:57:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16381853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DownOnThePharm/pseuds/DownOnThePharm
Summary: The Boys’ sex life is giving Lister backaches.  Whose idea was it to spice things up, anyway?





	Love Hurts

“Your back is bothering you again, isn’t it.” It was a statement, not a question. From his seat at the bunkroom table, Rimmer eyed Lister, his expression a mixture of concern and annoyance.

“It’s fine,” Lister began as he gingerly sat up in their bunk, then winced as a sharp twinge shot through his back. 

At Lister’s grimace of pain, Rimmer was immediately at his partner’s side, perching on the edge of the bunk and gently placing a hand on his back even as he scolded him. “Fine? Yes, of course it is. It’s obviously tickety-boo.” The hologram began rubbing Lister’s back in comforting little circles. “Listy, you seem to forget that we aren’t strapping young lads anymore. Strenuous” - he paused for a moment, searching for the right word - “exercise, while delightful, may be getting to be a bit beyond your capabilities nowadays.”

Lister turned his head and fixed Rimmer with an indignant glare. “Are you saying I’m getting old? You certainly weren’t moaning last night - well, not about anything lacking in me technique, at any rate.” 

Rimmer blushed, then closed his eyes, losing himself for a moment in the delicious memory of last night’s heated kisses tasting of lager and curry, a passionate embrace, the caresses of a talented tongue, powerful, piston-like thrusts...

An amused, “Rimmer? You still with me, man?” jolted him out of his reverie. He opened his eyes to see Lister looking at him, head cocked like that of a curious puppy. 

“Oh, right. As I was saying, Listy, you really need to be careful going forward, before you do yourself an injury.”

“Wait, what? Me?”

“Yes, you! We’re mature adults in a committed, long-term relationship. We really don’t need to be adventurous in our lovemaking to be satisfied, now, do we? We aren’t randy teenagers who have to engage in the old rumpy-pumpy all over the ship to be happy. You need to consider your health and your limits at your age.” 

“Hold up, man! How’s this all my fault? You’re the one who said variety is the spice of life, or sex, or whatever! Whose idea was it to try out pages five, twenty-two, and fifty-three in the _Zero-G Kama Sutra_ last night?”

“Well, mine, but I hardly see how...”

“And, who talked me into riding you reverse cowgirl on the floor of the Observation Dome last week?”

“I did, yes, but...”

“Who wanted to try it on in the navigator’s seat in Blue Midget on Saturday?”

“Um...”

“Up against the smegging bathroom wall yesterday morning? Twice?”

“I...”

“On Starbug’s console two days ago? I still have the smegging button imprints!”

“Listy, I get it!” Rimmer held up his hands in surrender. “Fine! Yes, I’m just as responsible as you are for all this!”

“More so, darlin’.” Lister grinned impishly. “Good thing I love ya, you smeghead. I wouldn’t let just anyone bend me over the sofa and shove a mango ice lolly up me bum.”

“I’ve never bent - oh. Oh.” 

Lister slid off the edge of the bunk, padded over to the freezer, and pulled out a box of mango ice pops. “Not yet, you haven’t. 

Rimmer hesitated for a moment. “But, what about your back?”

“Stretching and hard-light heat should help. Oh, and these.” Lister shook four tablets out of an ibuprofen bottle sitting by the sink, and washed them down with a swig of flat lager from the nearest discarded can. “Now, c’mere, you sexy smegger.”

The afternoon’s backache was totally worth it.


End file.
